Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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