Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
