mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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