just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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