At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
