the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Everything about him screamed your future.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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