Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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