I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
