The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
