so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
