Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
