you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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