Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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