Where is the hickey?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm both gender and math confused
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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