I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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