he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
