I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
