Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
