i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
