Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
