it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
