first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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