I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
