careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
