Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
What a dumb baby whore.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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