I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
