Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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