Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
