Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
