is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
