who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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