Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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