that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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