this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
