they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
