Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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