I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
