Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
