I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
