i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
