and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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