so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
