All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
