they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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