moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
