member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
