i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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