So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
