She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
