you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
