dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
vagina is talking i cant
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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