I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
